After returning from a wonderful trip in Portland, OR I am caught in a whirlwind of complicated thoughts. They’ve always been there yet somehow managed to fester with each “free” passing day.

Mary (my girlfriend) and I have been enthralled with Frontier and the new series Colonial House on PBS. It’s a hard, desperate life but a great life none-the-less. Imagine a world were you really wouldn’t have to worry about making bills. Imagine a world of real consequence, tangible gains, and true independence. Imagine a life so removed from the “everyday” that your mind could truly grow. It’s a lot of work but separate from the mundane that work could finally be satisfying. I guess in some ways I share the ideals of Diogenes, the only man Alexander the Great envied. Of course, I’m not really willing to go running around naked, speaking in only riddles and convincing every passerby I’m insane, at least not just yet.

I always joke with my cube mate John about moving to the mountains and painting all day. Or my other favorite is giving up cube life for a career as a Park Ranger. Trouble is, I’m only half joking. What can I say? I’ve read too much Kerouac not to see the benefits of a non-superficial lifestyle.

A high school friend found this life in the Air force. He lives in Germany off base with what he considers substantial freedom. However, I’m far too liberal for the military. I need other options. “Being my own boss” isn’t good enough. I’d rather be my own world. . .