Allow me to start by stating that I am no bar-hopper and I can’t truly distinguish between one bar and another.  This is why I am about to shower praises upon one Portland establishment that shines above any other bar I’ve been privy to enter and enjoy (this does not include Dragonmead, which is an entity all on its own).

Imagine that you have taken a trip to England.  Somewhere in a smaller town on the countryside amongst the rolling hills, you’ve stumbled into a tavern that stinks of ale and smoke and sounds like a thousand voices enjoying the day away.  The welcoming atmosphere warms the blood.  The muted lighting and the dark wood toned fixtures relax you.  The tables, enough to seat a couple or a party are situated with no discernable pattern.  Sit where you will and relax.  Now, remove yourself and beam over to Belmont street and 45th Ave. in Southeast Portland.  You’d find your happy self in the Horse Brass Pub, an unbeatable English-style -no, I won’t desecrate the pub’s good name by affixing the “styled” to it- an unbeatable English-away-from-England pub.

Last Friday I realized that I was rather sick of getting fish and chips from our local burger chain, Burgerville.  While, indeed, their halibut and fries are good, I wanted the real thing.  I wanted some battered hunks of halibut with delicious homemade fries and a heaping side of cole slaw.  I wanted dashes of malt vinegar and a cup of tart tartar sauce.  And, of course, I wanted a tall pint of the best ale possible to wash down the fish.  After some Googling, I came to a decision: I had to go to the Horse Brass because quite a few people had mentioned that they had the best fish and chips in Portland.  I found my mission; it was time to complete it.

I’d been inside the Horse Brass before on a Friday night when it was filled to the gills.  I drank a pint of beer with a friend and played chess while others tossed darts and yet others just relaxed and talked.  I enjoyed it but was a bit discombobulated by the crowd and didn’t get a decent feel for the bar.  My perceptions of the Horse Brass changed immensely this past Friday.  This was the pub that I’ve been looking for since I first decided to partake in the enjoyment of good beer about eight years ago.  I was stunned with the quality of food and the exceptional beer selection.

I ordered the fish and chips while my wife ordered the vegetable pastie.  Yes, they have authentic pasties.  My platter of delight, which was the full order, included 4 large, freshly battered filets of halibut, a large serving of freshly cut fries, and a generous serving of chilly cole slaw, which was sweet and crunchy, all for only $8.25.  A half-order is also available for $4.50 if your appetite isn’t as voracious as mine was this particular evening.  My wife’s vegetable pastie, another culinary hit, was filled with root vegetables and spices of eastern origin (cumin? curry?).  The pastie filled half the plate, covered in a luscious vegetable gravy, while a large portion of chips filled the other half; an amazing deal for $6.75.  To accompany my fish and chips I decided to select a pint (a true 20oz pint, of course) of Boddington’s Cream Ale, otherwise known as the Cream of Manchester.  It was the perfect accompaniment to a perfect dinner.  For those who cheerlead for smoking, this pub is also for you.  Like I said, as an authentic English pub it allows and even encourages smoking, therefore no kids are allowed by county law.  Looking at this politically and socially, if you don’t want your kids to be around smoke, then don’t take them to establishments that allow it.  Don’t force others to curb their habits (we all have them, you know…) just because you don’t like what they do.  Smoking should be everyone’s personal choice.  That’s all I’ll say about that.

In addition to all this, Saturday mornings during the English Premier League football season (fall to late spring), you can catch a match or two live via satellite in the pub.  The pub offers American styled breakfasts as well as an authentic English breakfast that includes toast, beans, and bangers.  Who can beat that?  For my money, I cannot even think of another place that offers footie and food along with excellent beer on a Saturday morning for prices this generous.

For anyone that is looking for a neighborhood pub with atmosphere and authenticity as opposed to kitsch and attraction, the Horse Brass receives the highest of my recommendations.  Friends from other areas of the country planning to visit us should expect to spend a few nights consuming ales and food there.  Everyone should make it a point to visit this pub.  Period.