It’s Not You
It’s like breaking up. It’s the lie that sits in the words, “It’s not you. It’s me.” when you actually mean the polar opposite. It has come to this, my spiritual indecision. At worst it is a quicksand of uncertainty and at best my search is a construct of strength and a divining rod for wisdom. At times it is a plague of an irresolute mind and other times it can be a clarion call for lucidity. When I think I have found a path that seems well lain it becomes overrun as if a flooded river washed it away. Alas, this is what is expected when one decides to manipulate the shifty alchemy of religion.
A mere 7 weeks ago I wrote this:
Again, I have found that my comfortable chair seems to sit in the Unitarian faith. My sabbatical, if you will, has enlightened my sense of purpose and I never feel more purposeful and awake than I do while attending 1st Unitarian Church of Portland. Their politics, their acceptance, their work for social justice, embodies the whole of Christianity as it should be while recognizing that other faiths not only exist, but enhance the concept of God and the philosophies of Jesus. I left the Unitarian church undecided as to where my path led and in Christianity I found my path back home. I have a more solid understanding on what I think Christianity truly embodies and it is surely put to use at its most effective at 1st Unitarian. I return not just a Unitarian, but as a Christian Unitarian and my spirit seems revitalized.
Again, as life always holds Easter eggs for us all, things have changed. Upon reentering the Unitarian-Universalist faith, I knew that I had a tough road ahead trying to forge a relationship between contemporary ideas of Christianity and the ultimately unspecific credo of UU-ism. I was up for the walk, though. After writing what I cited above, I made a decision to give thumbs up or down based on two criteria: 1) A successful foray into some manner of discussion with fellow Unitarians concerning Jesus and the resulting birth of Christianity and its effect on society today, and 2) a proven children’s religious education following the church’s stated goal of exposing the youth to UU’s Judeo-Christian heritage. My first goal came in form of my involvement in a class on understanding the Bible. The entire four-week course, meeting once a week for two hours, was to be based upon John Buehren’s book “Understanding the Bible” which I’d already read. It was the perfect way to gauge whether I was correct in naming this church my spiritual home. The next goal, concerning my daughter’s education, was a little more involved as it consisted of gleaning information out of my daughter as well as involving myself in her class at least once to get some classroom exposure. Both, sadly enough, proved to not only fall short of my expectations, but utterly failed in content and presentation.
Without getting into specifics, which I feel may be a bit inappropriate, based on my experiment and its results I’ve decided to again shift gears spiritually. In today’s age owned by the great leviathan of Christian conservatism, it is not only imperative to confront this monstrosity head-on, but it is required of anyone who thinks progressively. When the enemy’s armies have amassed across the border, it is time to take up arms, so to speak, but Unitarians seem to only wield plowshares. My personal experience with the adults at 1st Unitarian had before proven to some extent that they are not only afraid of talking about Jesus, but they are afraid of Jesus himself. I’d hoped that this attitude had gone into hiding after the re-coronation of President Bush. This was only again reiterated in the one session of class that I could stomach. I’d become depressed at the idea that such a wonderful, accepting, and giving religious organization could be so indecisive and so fearful of addressing Jesus that their inability to articulate the philosophies of Jesus and not the philosophies of some of his followers is what amounts to, essentially, the waving of a white flag in the face of Christian bastardization. By abdicating Jesus, they’ve abdicated the fight against the rising power of the all-consuming beast. My daughter’s classes, as well, provided absolutely no ground for intelligent, insightful, and, most importantly, a balanced look into the extensive Judeo-Christian history. Most often I was told that the class worked on some art project that had nothing to do with what was supposed to be presented. The one Sunday that I assisted as parent helper I witnessed no discussion of Jewish or Christian tradition. Rather, they drew animal ears and talked about listening. I felt betrayed. Moreover, I became saddened at the quick fall UU-ism took merely because they are afraid of talking about Jesus.
This past weekend I attended Trinity Cathedral once again. I haven’t an idea of where I will be led now and will not make any bold statements regarding so. Where I am is where I am and where I will be tomorrow is where I will be. But, my desire to educate, inform, and enlighten myself will be my sword. My perseverance, ambition, and knowledge will be my shield. My feet will lead me forward. My spirit will be my fire.
With this, I leave you with these lines from the Gospel of John as they were read this Sunday past. They reveal much:
John 9:1-5
As he walked along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God’s works might be revealed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.’
You could always just go back to playing Dungeons & Dragons…
This just may be a viable option. Although, I’m not so sure that I’d be comfortable there either. I still shudder at the thought of tossing a 20-sided die while faux-fighting a raving band of orcs.
i’m standing firm on the UU side. Trinity is so much like “real” church that i immediately start to tune out. That, & i get tired from constantly trying to figure out what people mean when they talk about Jesus, when they read from the bible. i’m always evaluating if they’re nuts or not. It’s too much work.
That’s the thing. This IS hard work, especially when you face such determined and headstrong opponents such as the religious right. It is exactly because the right sees things so plainly without nuance or depth that they are able to proclaim blanket statements about the Bible and especially Jesus’ philosophies. Understanding the fundamental aspects of Biblical stories and understanding the multi-faceted (and the human intervention inherent in post-death journaling) concepts behind what Jesus was trying to teach the people of his time. By being so afraid to confront this, the UU’s have no foothold against the right. By avoiding the topic altogether, UU’s cannot counter a single thing that conservative Christians say or do. Through secular politics and social action they can succeed at their mission with great success, and this is good. I’d stay within the Unitarian faith if all I were concerned with was politics and social justice, but I am not. My deepest concerns lie within the rising theocratic structure of our government and how Jesus is manipulated to bolster the power of this gathering storm.
And, yes, Trinity is, as I love to say, more Catholic than most Catholic churches as far as the service goes. That’s why I love it so.
As a practicing UU, I agree that many of our “faith” reject discussions of Jesus. I personally think it’s because *Jesus* has been crammed down our throats all of our lives, and so we tend to reject any discussion of Him, even to the point of disavowing any truths this man had to offer us.
I’m just as guilty of that as the next anti-Christianity UU. But let’s recognize the differentiation between (1.) he Man, and (2.)The Bastardization By His Followers of His Words. The former is what you and I strive to follow, my friend. The latter is what is causing us such pain. So while I understand your desire to follow His teachings, and your concern about how this adminitration, et al, are using their version of Him to screw the rest of us, I don’t know that the church members are going to hear your plea.
Sometimes it’s just been too painful to revisit.
Me, again ~~ That should have read “(1.) THE Man”…. not “he man”.
:D
I can definitely see what you are saying by looking at Jesus as the human and as the ultimate holy figure that his followers and worshipers have made him out to be. To me, the meat of his philosophies basically taught peace, justice, and love. This is what I concentrate on. The writers of the Gospels obviously could not have accounted for his life step by step because they were not there for the most part. Paul began preaching to the people about Jesus and elevated him to a higher level. The writers of the Gospels then came and elevated him even more, so much so that by the time John wrote his Gospel, Jesus was a superhuman! This is what makes the Christian Bible so fallible. But, again, the philosophies behind what Jesus said can be extracted with some degree of reason and success.
I’m in the same boat as you in that I was turned off many years ago to Jesus and to the resulting Christianity, but I’ve been able to reexamine many aspects of these stories with the help of various religious scholars and their writings. So, now I know that I would never be able to change the mind of any UU’s that attend 1st Unitarian and I would never want to. My intent was to see if this discourse was even possible and it doesn’t seem that it is. UU’s have a great thing going but I no longer think I fit in.
So do you believe that if UU’s can’t openmindedly accept that Jesus had something of value to offer us, even if we readily accept the goodness in the other prophets and beliefs, then you can’t fit in? That’s not a trick question—I’m just trying to follow you.
In our congregation we studied the various religions of the world with an eye toward the good they could offer us today. We included Christianity in those lessons, but I’ll admit to a degree of unease when we began speaking of Jesus. However, I don’t think the minister treated Christianity any differently than any other religion in this ongoing series. So do you think if you had heard praise of Him in 1st Unitarian, not as “the Messiah” but as a teacher and philosopher to be studied, you might feel better about your congregation or the denomination?
I’m saying that I don’t feel that I can fit in any longer because I am finding myself centered more on Christianity than anything else. We all spent last year at 1st Unitarian and I learned a lot. I know that I’d be readily accepted back into the fold at any time and this is one of many things I love about UU congregations. But, I felt that after the very obvious turn of events last November that I’d find especially acute observations of the Christian right, but I was mistaken. When we were regulars, Dr. Sewell mentioned Jesus many times and seemed bold in her observations in presenting him as a philosopher and teacher, but the congregation as a whole seems like a group of people in Jesus recovery. Kind of like a twelve step program of sorts to find their way out. I think that if Dr. Sewell hadn’t spoken forthright about Jesus, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today, spiritually speaking. Basically what I’m saying is that I’ve moved somewhere else and expected 1st Unitarian to flow that way because it seemed to me the most logical of progressions. What I found wasn’t congruous with what I thought, though.