I’m so disappointed that Stephen won the quick challenge and received immunity for the actual challenge.  His fruit cups didn’t do anything for me at all.  But, of course, I’m biased against Stephen and his smirky ways.

With that said, this past Wednesday’s episode of Top Chef, titled “Food of Love,” was interesting.  Perhaps titillating to some.  For me, though, food and naked parts of bodies normally covered in clothing do not go together.  I’m sorry.  I find nakedness and food in the same room rather vile.  This is not to say that the creations of erotic decadence that were to have been made weren’t delectable looking.

This week’s guest judges proved to be interesting.  Elizabeth Falkner, of whom I recently read accolades about, was the judge for the quick challenge.  She is the owner of Citizen Cake, a renowned patisserie in San Francisco.  Looking at her confections made me greatly miss Pix Patisserie in Portland.  She passed some very insightful judgment on the fruit plates presented, even though she picked Mr. Sneer as the winner.  The challenge was not about the fruit, but about the presentation.  So, if you wanted, you could shellac the crap out of your fruit to make it look pretty after slicing it all artistically.  In this challenge, I truly felt, all bias aside, that Harold should have taken it with his minimal but very artistic presentation, but Stephen did, much to my dismay (am I harping on this too much?).

As the episode progressed into the main challenge, the chefs were required to make some sensual desserts to be served at a fetish gathering held by Mistress S.  This is where I get the heebie jeebies.  All I needed to see were the domination masks and I was done.  There is no way I could serve food with one of those dreadfully scary masks hanging about.  Nonetheless, the chefs did their best, which wasn’t great.  While everything looked pretty good to great, I agreed with the judges that the point of having erotic finger-fed foods was the challenge.  That, my friends, means no plates!  So, based on this there were some failures.  Tiffani’s idea to present cookies on a necklace for others to eat off was probably the most appropriate idea for the challenge.  But, as it seemed as she was making them, the cookies ended up being dry.  What’s erotic about dry cookies?  I think the point would be to make sure they were moist.  I’m not sure exactly why Candice Kumai’s fruity idea to make desserts in the shape of women’s underwear didn’t get her kicked out before the judging even started.  I mean, come on!  This is stuff that housewives do for each other for their 40th birthdays or for their 3rd bachelorette party!  But, no matter what Gail Simmons or Tom Colicchio thought, the ultimate decision came down to Mistress S and whose dessert she felt was fetish-worthy.

The winner ended up being Miguel.  Now, before I start on his entry, I have to bring something up.  Miguel had fun with this challenge, for sure.  But, man, keep your shirt ON!  I don’t care if you were serving this at a nudist convention; keep your stuff on, man.  His presentation, “The Total Orgasm,” was indeed orgasmic looking.  I surely was craving his hot chocolate with cayenne pepper.  I think that chocolate and spice go so well with each other and he had that nailed down.  Apparently Mistress S felt that, all unsexiness aside, his dessert was definitely sexy and was worthy to get hot and bothered over.  Good job, Miguel.

Andrea has served her last dish for Top Chef.  Her utter inability to present artistically and to separate her obsession with the healthy aspects from the decadent aspects of cooking destroyed her here.  Believe me, no one is worried if they will be able to poop properly or not when they’re downing desserts at a fetish ball.  Time for Andrea to get back to the yoga and do cooking demonstrations down at the vegetarian co-op!

Next week:  I hope Stephen goes.

Realistically, though, I have a feeling that Candice might still be on the block.  There is also a great chance that Cynthia may be on the way out due to a stressful family dilemma that will keep her even more scattered than usual.

I’m still hanging with Harold for the long haul and I’m not sure about anyone else at this point in time.  Until next week, bon appetit!

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