Tonight my band is meeting at a local brewery (yeah Cas, that one) instead of rehearsing. The purpose of the meeting is “to talk.” The thing some people don’t realize about being in a band is how closely it resembles being married with children. The music is created with various parts combined to form something new. It’s tough to “fire” someone because each individual’s DNA is encoded into each song. Letting someone go is akin to ripping every child apart limb-from-limb. I digress, we’re not even close to breaking up or even giving someone the boot. We’re just suffering from some of the communication issues groups have prior to citing “creative differences.” The bricks for a house of sh*t are being laid and we’re determined to nip the trend prior to the roof going up.

Like the previous Perils our main concern is communication. But not communication with outsiders, this time it’s internal. For some reason it’s easy to fall into a cycle of passive aggressiveness towards one another whilst playing in a band. The sensitive member will have hurt feelings, an infantile mutiny will be formed against the aggressive member, and in the end ideas will be shelved because mental exhaustion dominates every practice. This is why bands break up. They let things reach the boiling point before calling each other out. And when that happens irreparable damage has already been done.

So, tonight we’re meeting. I’ve never enjoyed these things. Some of the most uncomfortable situations in my life have been at the table of a “band meeting.” I’ve been in a band where a member had a notorious alcohol problem and instead of dealing with it we kicked him to the street. Hell, I was young and have since forgiven myself. I was also in a band in which before-mentioned passive aggressiveness destroyed every members relationship with another. It was a grueling episode that I don’t feel the least bit guilty for but also dislike to dwell upon.

The thing you need to realize before joining with your friends in writing music is at one point you may feel close enough to ask one of them to be the best man (or maid-of-honor) at your wedding, and at another you won’t even exchange head nods while crossing paths at the bar. I’ve heard occasionally amicable “breakups” or “kick outs” leave everyone pretty much at the same point they were before the band started. Word of warning, from my experience those are few-and-far-between.

My advice. Wash your laundry before its unwearably soiled.

Read: The Perils of DIY